Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. – Benjamin Franklin

     FROM SUNDAY! 

         Today’s virtue is Moderation. Ben’s definition of this was: “Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.” By this he clearly meant to use everything in moderation and also not to waste energy on someone you’re angry at.

            Since I don’t have any grudges or hostility towards anyone, my definition is going to be about keeping everything in moderation. I think this is a perfect day for this virtue because I’m going to see my family, be at school and go to work.

            On Sunday’s it’s hard for me to be productive. I just want to lie in bed and watch movies all day. But that would be taking laziness to an extreme, and since I’m practicing moderation I can’t do that.

             In the morning I got to go out to breakfast with my family and spend some time with them, which was nice because that’s not usually something on my daily agenda. I spent a fair share of time when I got back unpacking, cleaning, doing homework, relaxing, working, and hanging out with my boyfriend. It would have been very easy to fall into a trap of cleaning for too long (which I almost did, and resulted in rearranging my room) or hanging out with my boyfriend. However, I showed myself that I had the self-control to maintain balance in everything I did.

            I think this actually ended up maximizing the productivity in my day. Since I didn’t spend too long focusing on any one thing, I got to spend my time wisely with a variety of things I needed to do. I got enough homework done to feel accomplished, but didn’t spend hours staring at my computer screen. I even put aside time to relax before work to make sure that I didn’t tire myself out. I felt as if today was very long, and not in a bad way. I had a lot of time to do everything and did more than I usually do on a Sunday. I think I need to start practicing this more often, especially on the weekends.

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. – Benjamin Franklin

POST FROM SATURDAY 

         Today’s virtue is Tranquility. Ben’s definition was: “Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.” By this he meant not to get angry over things not worth worrying about.

         For me, I am going to not get mad about anything (unless it is life-changing) and find time for hobbies and things I love. To me being “tranquil,” or being calm, means finding time for things that make me calm or happy instead of just focusing on the stress of every-day life. I thought this was a perfect virtue to practice today because I’m on a snowboarding vacation with my family in the White Mountains.

          Snowboarding is definitely a hobby that makes me tranquil. I have snowboarded for seven years and it has become a passion. It centers me, takes my mind off everything and somehow reminds me not to worry about things that don’t matter. For example I was worried that I was going away for the weekend when I should be staying at school, focusing on schoolwork and seeing my friends. However, snowboarding (with the added bonus of seeing my family) reminded me that there are certain times to worry about schoolwork and missing out, and there are certain times to relax. Although I may have to make up for it, it won’t be the end of the world and I will be able to manage it.

         I don’t usually get mad about little things anymore. I used to, but somehow changed my mindset more recently. I think this is partly due to my best friend getting cancer. She is only 19 and never smoked but somehow got lung cancer. This made me realize, though the lessons she has learned, that it’s not worth getting upset over little things and to look more at the big picture. For example, I was in the parking garage with my family while we were on our trip this weekend and it was full except for one parking space. This parking space, however, could not be used because someone had parked half way into the spot. On the back of the car someone wrote in the dust, “You park like a douchbag” (notice the spelling error). I thought this was so vulgar. The guy parked badly, you’re going to have to walk a few extra feet, and it won’t be the end of the world I promise! I was appalled and upset that someone would get so furious about this small inconvenience. My family and I had to park in a garage and walk about 2 extra minutes to get inside. My brother was angry but the way I looked at it was, so what? We’re still close enough and I’m with my family on vacation. There’s no need to get so angry about small things that in the end won’t matter. 

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly. – Benjamin Franklin

           From Friday… Didn’t have access to the internet! Sorry! 

        Today’s virtue is Sincerity. Ben’s definition of Sincerity was: “Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.” By this I think he meant a main point I’m going to work on: not gossiping, or talking badly about another person. He clearly says don’t say things that can be hurtful to someone or behind their back and say only what you know to be true.

            Sincerity for me is going to mean: being honest, not using sarcasm and, like I said before, not gossiping.

            I’ve never really had a problem being with honesty. I am honest person, when it matters at least. I don’t lie to deceive anyone or make someone trust me when I don’t deserve the trust. I do, however, find myself lying- well not I’m not sure if I would call it lying- in casual conversation about appearances. To start off a conversation I’ll say “Hey! You look so cute! I love that watch!” When the truth is I don’t really care for her watch. It’s not because the watch isn’t nice, it might be but I just don’t really know. It’s just an easy way to start conversation.

            To change this, I worked on starting conversations off with something more meaningful than a bullshit complement. I stopped myself from telling a co-worker that she had a nice scarf and instead asked what she was doing this weekend. She told me that she was going to visit family and wasn’t coming home or back to school until next Sunday. This was something I would have never had found out by just saying she had a nice scarf. Instead I learned something about her and had a more meaningful conversation.

            Something I do have a problem with is sarcasm. I always find myself being sarcastic and usually it comes off as rude, even though this is unintentional. Watching what I say before speaking definitely helped me with this so far. I’m often sarcastic by using No instead of Yes on something that has an obvious answer. Sometimes things like this can be confusing and pointless. I urged myself to not be sarcastic for the entire day. Because of this I had more straightforward and friendly conversations. I think I need to stop being sarcastic all together because it only makes me seem rude. This is something I am definitely going to try to be persistent with more than just for today.

            Not gossiping is harder than I thought it would be, especially on a college campus. People always want to talk about others because it’s an easy topic that usually intrigues everyone. I don’t like gossiping, but it is easy to get caught up in talking about “the juicy stuff.”  However, today instead of talking about people I tried to turn the conversations into ones about ideas. In one example, a friend was talking to me about another friend’s situation with a boy, but I changed the conversation to my weekend plans with my family. It was a little awkward to transition and she clearly knew there was a change in direction of our conversation. But at the same time it was nice to talk about something that I didn’t have to worry about someone overhearing or feel guilty for talking behind someone’s back.

AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND. FRIDAY – SUNDAY POSTS COMING SOON…

Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation. – Benjamin Franklin

8:57 a.m. November 21

            Today’s virtue is virtue #12, Chastity, which was originally Ben’s last virtue on his list before he altered it. Ben’s definition was: “Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.” Ben wasn’t the most chaste person himself, as a quote from his autobiography said, “…that hard-to-be-governed passion of youth hurried me frequently into intrigues with low women that fell in my way…” He also had a child with an unknown woman, but in his defense, he put this on his list of virtues meaning he wanted to work on improving himself in this category.

         This is an easy one for me, because although I’m not married, I’ve been in a committed relationship for about 8 months. We’ve already put this virtue to the test because for 75 days of our relationship I was overseas in Europe, Turkey and Morocco, usually only talking on the phone once a week.

            Of course there are relationships in college: long distance relationships and non, with some more faithful than others. There are also a lot of single people on campuses, who get to make decisions on how they handle this virtue. I chose Chastity today because I won’t be at school for many more days during this, and I think the “hook-up” culture is most relevant to a college setting and evaluate the role sex has in the media.

            Chastity meaning has changed

            The definition of Chastity used to mean waiting until marriage to have sex. In today’s culture that isn’t very common unless it is for religious or other moral standards. Today, sex is usually justified before marriage, and even encouraged. In a Huffington Post article, Sex Before Marriage: 5 Reasons Every Couple Should Do It, it recommends you know there is sexual chemistry before marriage. Even young men are pressuring each other to have sex at a younger and younger age. This is potentially due to the media’s blatant portrayal of sex.

            Media influence on sex

            The media has a big influence on sex, even young people. The truth is: Sex Sells. That’s why it’s in songs, commercials, video games, TV shows, magazines and advertising. It is a proven fact that sex grabs attention. Messages portrayed in these media outlets, however, aren’t generally positive messages or ones that show reality.

            The American Association of Pediatrics states, “There is a major disconnect between what mainstream media portray — casual sex and sexuality with no consequences — and what children and teenagers need.” In songs sex is a really popular theme, also implying carelessness, being satisfied and not having consequences.

             Mike Posner has released several Billboard top 10 songs including First Date Sex, the lyrics say, “But don’t fall in love boo, I’m not committed. So take off your UGG boots, And let me hit it, don’t say your not that type of girl, babe.” Clearly the message isn’t that sex is something special to share with someone you care about. The message is sex, just sex for pleasure, and nothing more. Other songs with a strong message of casual sex are songs (that I shamelessly love, unless I really listen to the lyrics) include Motivation by Kelly Rowland (2011), Grind on Me by Pretty Ricky (2009), and more recently Stay the Night by Zedd (2013). Sex has just effortlessly made its way into our daily lives; I think this also influences the lives of college students.

            Hook-up culture

            In a study done by the American Psychological on the sexual hook-up culture, it says, “In a qualitative study that asked 187 participants to report their feelings after a typical hookup, 35 percent reported feeling regretful or disappointed, 27 percent good or happy, 20 percent satisfied, 11 percent confused, 9 percent proud, 7 percent excited or nervous, 5 percent uncomfortable, and 2 percent desirable or wanted.”

            On a college campus there is an acceptance to the “hook-up culture” that is more evident than anywhere else. The hook-up culture is not necessarily a new phenomenon, but it accepts causal sexual encounters without the two people necessarily emotional bonding. I’m not saying that I have always been above this culture, but I think it’s interesting that we can observe how people value Chastity. It’s a culture that can be observed at college parties…

( observations coming soon…)

 

 

Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e., Waste nothing- Benjamin Franklin

Today’s virtue to practice was Frugality. Ben’s definition of this was: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e., Waste nothing. I think he meant not to live with too many luxuries and don’t make purchases for the sole reason of making yourself happy or appear wealthier. He thought spending was justified when it was to do benefit others in a non-materialistic way. Ben was a wealthy man, but lived a simple life. He was intentionally simple in dress and manner and later in life refused to even wear a wig. For this I tried not spending any money at all for one day, thought about what I have wasted money on and noticed the materialistic culture I live in.

Not spending money throughout the whole day isn’t too hard as a college student. Unless I’m grocery shopping, going out for dinner or drinks, or paying for cable my expenses are never too high. I do, however, go to coffee a lot and today I held off from spending money on that (even though it’s already on a pre-paid campus card.) I also went to do errands with my boyfriend to put myself in a position to spend money. I didn’t end up buying anything but I can say this: the temptation was high. As an art major he had to go to an art supply store. As someone with no artistic ability whatsoever I like to pretend I’m an artist and spend an infinite amount of money on kids crafts (because that’s about my skill level) or art supplies way over my skill level. I sadly left the store with nothing… but there’s always tomorrow! Just kidding…

As I was reflecting I found that I am a very simple person and don’t usually waste money. I don’t own any brand names or really anything too high of quality (this is most likely because I would brake it or get it dirty as soon as the opportunity presented itself.) I do spend a lot of my money on doing things rather than owning things. For example my big purchase of the winter is a snowboard pass, but my snowboard jacket, pants, and boots were all on sale for much cheaper than normal gear. I don’t think I have a problem with spending money and practicing and thinking about this virtue helped me realize that. Don’t get me wrong I do buy a shirt or two on the sales rack at TJ Maxx every-now-and-then, but I could be worse.

I think our society as a whole has a problem spending money- even our government. I have noticed that a lot of people on my campus are very into brand names, require instant gratification, or care too much about what others think (at least this is what I infer from what I have seen.) Everyone (including non-college students) wants to have the nicest car, frequently visit spas, or have some sort of accessory they can flaunt, even if they don’t have the money to support this. As one example, everyone seems to have a brand Michael Kors very recently. Watches from this brand range from the cheapest $150 to over $550, and handbags range from about $100 to about $3,000. I’m definitely not judging, but I’m not even sure if people know WHO Michael Kors is. He is a fashion designer from New York City and his brand that went public in 2011 has already surpassed the 30-year-old Ralph Lauren in value. Some people say they like it for the quality, others say they like it because it’s something others notice. I’m not sure, maybe because I’m just a broke college kid I see this as an extreme, but then again maybe I’m just not trendy.

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; Avoid trifling Conversation – Benjamin Franklin

8:42 a.m- The first day.

            Today I start my 13 days of virtuous living. That being said, this is going to take me through Thanksgiving break right up until December 1^st. So some of this will be done in a college setting and some at home. I wonder how my actions and observations will compare…

             For day 1 I chose to start with Silence. I skipped over the first virtue, Temperance, but I think that will be much more interesting to practice and observe on a night where I’m going to a party. Benjamin Franklin’s interpretation of Silence was: “Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; Avoid trifling Conversation.” To him this possibly meant knowing the time to speak and only speaking when he had perfect thing to say. For me “Silence” will mean: cutting down on cell phone usage, thinking before I speak, not talking just to talk, not swearing, and having more beneficial conversations with people. I think it will be helpful to do this one first because I’ll be able to see how I do with this for the 12 days following this as well.

           

5:45 p.m.

            One thing I thought would be the easier of my tasks today, having meaningful conversations, proved much harder to initiate than anticipated. I ran into this girl I used to be really good friends with freshman year. Usually I would slow my pace so I wasn’t faced with the awkward silence or insincere exchanges of “HEY! How are you! Lets go out sometime!!” but instead I forced myself to ask her how her year was going, who she was living with, and a few more things about her year. We actually had a decent conversation and I ended up finding a lot about her that I didn’t know. After our short conversation I felt kind of refreshed in a way- knowing I don’t have to avoid eye contact and pretend like I don’t know who she is at parties. Who knew talking to someone instead of avoiding them at all costs could actually be rewarding? haha

 

            I knew cutting down on my cell phone usage was going to be tough. In the gym I wanted to check my phone, in class and in the library… I did find however, that I was able to focus a lot more on what I was doing though out the day and felt much less distracted. Another aspect of cell phone usage that I wasn’t expecting to learn was how much more powerful face-to-face conversation is.

            Today my roommate and good friend got into a study abroad program in Australia. She texted me while I was at the gym and I held off reading it (even though knowing I had a text, but not knowing what it said was KILLING me). When I got home I told her how excited I was for her and we were able to be excited together with her able to see my reaction, instead of me simply saying “yay!” through a text message. I know this isn’t always possible, but I noticed a line of what I should say through text messaging versus telling people in person (if that is an option.) I realized how many pointless text messages I send a day, are they actually needed? No. And that went hand-in-hand with thinking before I speak.

 

            I feel like I’m giving everyone the silent treatment today. Thinking before I speak has resulted in me not saying much at all. I’m not sure if this is because I’m overthinking everything I want to say. I haven’t sworn but I also haven’t said a lot of what’s on my mind. Everything I want to say I realize is pointless, unnecessary or who I’m talking to just doesn’t need nor care to know. For example today I wanted to ask my roommate if she saw our new landlords puppy, knowing she hasn’t. I was going to use this as a tactic to talk about the puppy and how much I love it, a conversation that wouldn’t get me any further than the same conversation we had yesterday. I refrained. I realized a lot of what I say is not necessary and I talk just to talk. I need to have more meaningful conversations with people I don’t get the chance to talk to often as well as the ones I do. 

Either write things worthy reading or do things worth the writing. – Benjamin Franklin

As college students we should all know who Benjamin Franklin is- one of the Founding Fathers, a signature on the Declaration of Independence, the guy who did the kite experiment and whatever else we learned about him in grade school. When he was 20 years old, our age give or take a few years, it was 1726 and he was sailing from London to Philadelphia on an 80-day voyage. The 8-hour flight we are offered now wasn’t an option; in fact the first flight didn’t take place until almost 180 years later. While he was on his long trip across the ocean he decided he wanted to develop a plan to regulate his self-conduct. Good ole’ Ben was always looking for a way to better himself, something that I see a lot of college kids (including myself, currently) do, sometimes failing and sometimes succeeding. To make sure he succeeded in this he came up with 12 virtues to live by, which later became 13 virtues after his friends pointed out his arrogance.

Although these were formed in 1726 I think they can still be used as the framework for me to live a more virtuous life as Ben did. A lot has changed since 1726: we were still Colonial America, families grew their own food, and the first version of a cell phone didn’t come out until 220 years later. But despite the differences I think the main ideas of his virtues are still relevant. For example his first virtue, temperance is food and drink in moderation, on a college campus this is definitely something still applicable that I (and others) may (or may not) want to work on improving.

Ben followed these virtues for the rest of his life and said that although it never made him perfect it made him happier. Ben practiced each virtue for a week, completing four 13-week cycles, but I’m going to practice a virtue a day for 13 days. I’m going to use his virtues but modify the meaning to fit my lifestyle and how I want to change my moral standards. To do this I’m going to define what I aim to change in myself, give an honest report of how it went, and also take note of what I see from others around me. I want to keep the lessons I learn as a way to better myself, and you will be able to see the lessons to better your life if you so choose.

Wish me luck!